The Humor of Car Salesmen

I’ve been looking around at different dealerships to perhaps purchase a 2006 Mazda Miata. Fortunately, as I don’t need a new car, the experience is less stressful than it could be if I was in need of wheels. I have forgotten some of the depths to which the salesmen will go to try and pressure the consumer.

The most useless trick so far was for a salesperson to tell me, “look, I’m gonna tell you the truth about [so and so], so that you don’t have to look stupid in a dealership again”. Hah, oh no, I look stupid! Excuse me while I bow to your pressure and fold and buy right now.

I’ve also appreciated repeated calls from my “friend” Ron at another dealership. I think he’s left voicemail for me seven times since I visited the dealership. Now, while Ron may be working to induce some kind of guilt in me to come back and buy on his terms, it’s having the opposite effect. If the guy will call me that much, well, he must be desperate to sell. So Ron, don’t tell me you can’t get the number.

I’ve also enjoyed witnessing the transition from “I’m not in love with these cars, I’ll make you a great deal, I want to sell” to the opposite “I don’t care who buys this car, I want my money for it”. So, um, do you want to get the car off your lot today, or next week, or maybe never?

My personal favorite to date, however, was overemphasis on my last name. It’s Irish, and, the salesperson started by asking about my “rich” family history, and telling me about his great trip to Ireland. Then he launched into, “When I saw your lastname, I knew I had someone who knew his stuff”. Butter me up, uh huh.

So here is my open notification to the car salesmen I may encounter (none of which will ever actually read it). All I care about is the final price. I don’t care if you think you know me, or want to brownnose me, or that you pretend to educate me. In fact, I think the world would be a much happier place if you stopped doing this to everybody who steps in your door. I exaggerate, but, still.

Oh, and boys, you’re getting the ‘07s on your lot. That’s trouble…for you!

—Sep 18, 2006